Thursday, August 12, 2010

48,000 Calories.

In the past few weeks, I've noticed an unsettling trend. I am not talking about a fashion trend full of poor judgement, like schoolgirl skirts or high-waisted jeans... this is something a little more personal. Slowly but surely, a number was increasing. First, it was just 1 or 2. Then 5. Then 7... and then oh mylanta, I've gained 10 lbs. I think technically, it was 8 lbs. But, 10 sounds better and more dramatic. So we'll stick with it. I HAVE GAINED 10 LBS. Now, before I explain... I get to put in a disclaimer.

**I DO NOT WANT, OR EXPECT, AND SORT OF COMMENT SAYING 'You are soooo tiny... shut up." or "Kelli, to be honest you NEEDED to gain weight..." I am not fishing for compliments. I don't even like fish. You see, I have been the same weight my entire twenties career (Yes, I consider being a twenty something a job). It is not that I am upset or outraged about an increase... its just unsettling. And, I can't buy any new clothes, so I better start working my butt off to make sure these jeans fit in December. Because how sad would that be? It'd be the middle of winter, and the only thing that would fit me is a baggy sundress, and I'd be forced to pair it with Uggs. SO, this is not a self-loathing, feel sorry for me, pity party blog. Why? Well... let's get on with it so you can see.

I had been wondering where this change was coming from. My eating habits were the same, I never exercise to begin with so that was constant, and there was nothing hormonal happening. I was confused and thought that perhaps I was finally just getting old. Then, the fateful text came from my dear friend Rachel.

"Did you know that the average woman burns 48,000 calories a year just by shopping???" She read this in Cosmo, and Cosmo never lies. (I am fairly certain they also can tell you 48,000 ways to stalk, snag, and marry a man in less than 5 months!!!)

So... boom. There that is. This blog, while fun and empowering, is making me gain weight. The calories that used to fly off my body while shopping are now sitting... and storing themselves... and making my scale question who I am. While you may read this and think "Yeah, OK Kelli... It's not all the Corona's and pizza that are making you gain weight. It is your mystical blog." And you may be right. But I know, that when a woman shops... she walks and walks, and if something is on sale and is the last one in her size... she runs. And she tries things on, and tries them on again, and poses, and does calf raises to see what it would look like in heels. That is a WORKOUT if I've ever heard of one. It is truly devastating that my workout plan vanished.

Will I start shopping again? Will I continue to grow and grow until I am forced to shop again??

No dude. I am going to start running, eating healthier, and NOT shop. And I am confidant I'll make it the entire year without a single spree... and all my pairs of jeans will still be perfect fits.

3 comments:

Nancy Remling said...

you are so darling. :)

Denise said...

I think this blog would be AMAZING if you showed us your daily outfits that you've put together using your existing arsenal of clothing. Show us how not shopping doesnt have to mean you look like a frump!

John and Debi said...

Kelli, I am shocked that I didn't know about this blog until now. Your writing style is entertaining and clever. I would like to sign you to a book deal and "book" you on Oprah's last season immediately!