Thursday, July 28, 2011

Don't Call it a Comeback.

Here I am, ready to blog. Why am I so weird that I just had to stop completely for awhile? No one will ever know. Well, I mean maybe someone will know but I don’t have a billion dollars to pay for a therapist to tell me why I am the way I am. When I get that billion, I guess we’ll all know.
Anyways, what’s new? I shop now, so that is pretty neat. But I mean, I am not a compulsive shopper. I have gotten some new things though, and I fully intend on blogging about them. This blog will continue to be fashion oriented, but fashion (contrary to what all of you think) is NOT my life. I do love fashion blogs, but I also love laughing. Laughing is my favorite thing to do, and fashion blogs are never super funny. Sometimes the girls in them wear funny outfits but that is the wrong kind of funny.

Just saying.

I will also probably write about serious things too. I recently had an ex tell me that I am TOO fun. Thanks! But really. Apparently I need to be serious sometimes?? Which is lucky because I have a lot of very, very serious things in my life. So I guess I’ll start acknowledging them.

For example, did you know I have what is called a “cancer gene?” See, things just got serious. A few years ago, I had genetic testing done due to my family history. Don’t worry, they didn’t stick pins into my brain, just took some of my blood and analyzed my DNA. Now, many of you might view knowing I have a “cancer gene” as a life ending scenario. YOU DING DONGS! I am so lucky- I get extra tests and IF (that is a big if) I ever get cancer, I’ll know way before it is even bad. So I basically am going to live forever, suck on that!

Well, so I thought. About a week ago, I was sitting at my desk and wearing this really cute dress and I looked down and spotted a cancerous mole that I’d never seen before. It was raised, asymmetrical, and wasn’t there the day before. It fit every single warning on those scary mole posters you see at the doctor’s. “Oh Mylanta,” I thought, “I’m about to die.” I thought for sure my entire leg was going to be amputated, if I was lucky. I mean, I am only 24… I’ve never been to Europe! I haven’t been on the Today Show! I haven’t published a book! I am too young to die!

I did my best to push the death mole out of my mind for awhile and finish up some work. But I couldn’t think about anything else, I was dying a slow death in a cubicle, what a way to go. Tragic, really. I could only hope fame would find me in the afterlife. I looked down to investigate it again. It was gone! It is a miracle, basically a direct, personalized gift from God! I would have to write Him a thank you card immediately (if you wait too long, you might as well not send it).

Okay not really. It was chocolate protein. Shoot. I literally had chocolate on my leg and had planned my entire funeral in my head. It was a low point, I’ll admit. But no lower than the time I had SARS, and definitely not lower than when I was dying of West Nile Virus.

Why did I share this with the entire Internet? Well, I was talking to my hairstylist, Dez, and telling her about how my life nearly ended but really I just was being silly. And she laughed and laughed and said THAT is what I should blog about.

So there you go. I am back. You’re welcome.